I'm back to writing. I feel so alone. I was sitting in my bed alone and crying. I'm so depressed. I did the adoption. I had him Friday morning April 15 at 12:24 am. He's beautiful. Mark came, he was at Donkey Dodgers poker and he won, then came to the hospital for me. He's amazing and I truly love him. He was there for me last night too when I broke down. He held me, kissed me, held me and just let me cry. He was there for me more than anyone. I don't know what I would do without him.
I'm upset. I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm frustrated, but I'm blessed.
I'm upset because I feel like everyone around me besides Mark and Lailah and Megan (who I text) are completely fake.
I'm angry because I feel like after people are done getting what they want from me, that I'm thrown away.
I'm sad because while Mark is working, I feel like I have nobody.
No friends, no support.
I'm frustrated because I can't have sex with Mark.
I don't feel desire to have sex right now. I feel disgusting and gross.
I just want my body back.
I'm in so much pain. My contracting uterus hurts. My breasts hurt more than imaginable. My belly is flabby and not tight.
I'm blessed because I have the most beautiful 3 year old daughter ever and because I found the most amazing guy I ever could have possibly found and I'm glad I stayed talking to him.