Where am I standing at now?
Well currently Justin and I don't have a job. He was laid off after Christmas from UPS.
But I have applied at a couple places for HBTS positions. My moms step sons have a therapist who was talking to me and gave me the references of the places he works for and put in good words with me with the hiring managers. Today he told my mom that I should call the hr for one of the companies on Tuesday and that she had said she wants to give me an interview. If I get this job it would be so awesome and such a relief! It's good pay and if Justin would be able to get a job too we would be golden. We would be able to save money and hopefully get our own place next year.
My plan is to save money for a year until next years income tax return then use the money for a deposit on a house and for the first few months of rent so that I could open up a home daycare. :D That would be awesome if I could do that.
I want to take the classes I need to take throughout this year if I can and take my CPR course at my moms. Get everything I need.
I'm trying so hard to keep my head up, try to be positive, and just keep trucking forward everyday with what I have. I thankfully have my father who has been amazing lately and has helped us out tremendously. He's given us a place to live and has helped me with my car insurance the past few months. He's been a savior. Literally. My dad has not been the best person in my life growing up but he's certainly done everything he could in my adult years to make up for who he was and how he treated me. He's really turned himself around and I really respect that about him. He's been able to say he's sorry and ask for forgiveness and be there for me when I need him. Although, not so much emotionally - he really sucks at that. But he's been there to make sure we don't go homeless, without a vehicle, or without food. He's really been a huge help.
I've fought myself out of the pit of depression and despair that I was in. I've won that battle against the overwhelming sadness and suicidal thoughts. I've been talking with my higher self a lot more lately and I feel so happy that I can hear her and talk with her. She is so helpful to me. She is pretty withdrawn and due to talking with her so often I've been more withdrawn as well but I'm not suicidal so I'll take it.
I'm doing the best I can with what I have every day.
I do want to be a better mom to Lailah. Her attitude lately is a huge trigger for me. I don't even know how to handle it to be honest. I know it's probably common for her age but it really drives me nuts.
So, I just asked the Peaceful Parenting group I'm a part of for advice and they gave me a super amazing link with suggestions that I'm going to try out and see how it goes. This will be difficult but well worth it in the long run. <3