I haven't written in a while I've sort of started working. I've started training. I am starting one of my shifts alone tomorrow.
Today was a rough shift for me because I really feel so deeply for the child. I hurt for him. And the treatment the clinician set up I don't feel will be as useful to the child as the ideas I have but there's nothing I can do. I have to follow the treatment plan, that's my job. :(
I'm trying to tell myself that it'll just be a year or so that I'll be working and that after a year we should have enough money to get our own house. If we can get our own house - or should I say WHEN we do, then I will open up my own home daycare. If my mom can do it, I certainly can.
That's my plan anyway. And I'm sticking to it. I will get through this.
Tomorrow I am working from 1-3 then 3:45-5:45 probably.
I sort of really hate it because I have to 1. Leave Noel with my mom while I'm gone and 2. I don't get to see Lailah very much at all and she's told me she really misses me.
Last night she cried and told me she misses me and wants me and I cuddled up to her and told her I really miss her too. :(
This next year will be very hard. Probably the hardest I've had in a long time. But I will get through it, I have no choice. I must for my kids. This is just a new obstacle I must face.
I've also recently really started working on my parenting. I'm really delving deep into peaceful parenting and doing my own inner child work. I am reading a book called Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids; How to stop yelling and start connecting. By Dr. Laura Markham. She is also the creator and writer for Aha! Parenting blog. I really like her stuff. I truly want to be the best mom and person that I can be for not just my kids but for myself as well. I need to be healthy for them.
I've been feeling sad and depressed but sitting around isn't going to accomplish anything. It's not going to get us any steps ahead or moving forward towards a better future. So, here I am. I'm getting up and I'm doing what I must even when I don't want to. <3 I'll be somewhere better - one day.