Today I asked Tom to move in with us again.
I know, I know, he is VERY unreliable. BUT we really need to figure SOMETHING out, anything decent.
Scott is bringing me to court to lower child support and it WILL be lowered as most of his jobs he gets paid under the table and it's not on record.
Without the child support we will have a VERY hard time getting by each month. Justin only makes min wage. After rent, car insurance, gas, electric, 1 phone, internet, and rent a center (to pay off our mattress) we will be in the negatives each month. It's not do able. I doubt we will even be able to afford Christmas this year. Maybe I can convince the kids to postpone Christmas until tax return time. It won't be the same but it'll be something. *shrugs.
The only other options are to work weekends and never see Justin, turn off internet and phone and go without whatever isn't 100% necessary - which also means having no means of communication with anyone - even doctors in the case of an emergency, or having a stranger move in - which leaves the opportunity for someone we don't know to negatively effect our lives if they so choose to.
I don't like any of those options.
We will work it out I'm sure... we will figure something out, we have to.
My life. Everyday being a new beginning.
Monday, October 24, 2016
Thursday, October 6, 2016
Life is actually going really well right now!
My day went alright for the most part. I am feeling better again lately and not as stressed out as I was before. Today I had a therapy appt and so my dad came over to watch the kids and he let me use my car to attend it. It went fine. I didn't really have too much to talk about. I talked a little about the kids and their personalities, about accomplishments I felt I made, and coping skills that I use when I feel triggered and stressed out.
Then I had a psychiatrist appt after Justin got home and I got all the way there only for them to tell me I was late, had to reschedule, and that if I was late or cancelled one more time I would have to find a new psych. Which really bothered me because I left an hour early to get there and was stuck in traffic. Oh! And nevermind the fact that when I get there I often sit there for a half hour post my appt time and it's ok for her to waste my time yet if I'm 10 mins late I'm not seen, what kind of bullshit is that?!
After the appt I felt like, "Why do I keep trying so hard for my mental health when others don't seem to care." I have this expectation that mental health workers have an obligation to their patients and their wellbeing, that they should care. But I can see that it really isn't that way, that they don't care and they are simply there to get paid. I am a paycheck to them and my mental health is up to me and me only. That my friends and my husband care but a mental health professional can't let themselves care because it would become unprofessional so they have to maintain boundaries where they shut off towards their patients. It's fucked up but that's the world we live in.
I get my birth control taken out a week from today! I'm excited for that. I really would like another girl but I would be happy with either gender.
We went apple picking with my dad yesterday, it was a lot of fun, the kids really enjoyed it. My dad said we may go to the corn field this weekend and I lovee going there so that will be a great day. :)
Ah, also! I finally have a good number of friends. I'm talking to my friend Tiffany again. <3 And I have Rebecka, and Dorian and I are becoming pretty good friends, Tom and I don't talk as much anymore but he is still my best friend, and I have Justin of course. <3 I really like having them all because it makes me feel really supported and like I have people who care about me. We all align really well on all topics. We all parent similarly, have similar beliefs, we're advocates and activists, we all care about the well being of children, and they're there for me and I'm there for them. I love it. I'm beyond grateful to have them in my life.
Things are looking up! We've had our apartment for 10 months now and we've never been late on rent. We have been paying out bills, Justin's uncle gave us a new car when ours crapped out on us, and things are going really well. <3 I'm happy with how things are right now. The only thing that could be better is seeing my husband more often but it'll all be worth it in the long run when he graduates and gets a good paying job!
Then I had a psychiatrist appt after Justin got home and I got all the way there only for them to tell me I was late, had to reschedule, and that if I was late or cancelled one more time I would have to find a new psych. Which really bothered me because I left an hour early to get there and was stuck in traffic. Oh! And nevermind the fact that when I get there I often sit there for a half hour post my appt time and it's ok for her to waste my time yet if I'm 10 mins late I'm not seen, what kind of bullshit is that?!
After the appt I felt like, "Why do I keep trying so hard for my mental health when others don't seem to care." I have this expectation that mental health workers have an obligation to their patients and their wellbeing, that they should care. But I can see that it really isn't that way, that they don't care and they are simply there to get paid. I am a paycheck to them and my mental health is up to me and me only. That my friends and my husband care but a mental health professional can't let themselves care because it would become unprofessional so they have to maintain boundaries where they shut off towards their patients. It's fucked up but that's the world we live in.
I get my birth control taken out a week from today! I'm excited for that. I really would like another girl but I would be happy with either gender.
We went apple picking with my dad yesterday, it was a lot of fun, the kids really enjoyed it. My dad said we may go to the corn field this weekend and I lovee going there so that will be a great day. :)
Ah, also! I finally have a good number of friends. I'm talking to my friend Tiffany again. <3 And I have Rebecka, and Dorian and I are becoming pretty good friends, Tom and I don't talk as much anymore but he is still my best friend, and I have Justin of course. <3 I really like having them all because it makes me feel really supported and like I have people who care about me. We all align really well on all topics. We all parent similarly, have similar beliefs, we're advocates and activists, we all care about the well being of children, and they're there for me and I'm there for them. I love it. I'm beyond grateful to have them in my life.
Things are looking up! We've had our apartment for 10 months now and we've never been late on rent. We have been paying out bills, Justin's uncle gave us a new car when ours crapped out on us, and things are going really well. <3 I'm happy with how things are right now. The only thing that could be better is seeing my husband more often but it'll all be worth it in the long run when he graduates and gets a good paying job!
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