Tom has moved in with us, and so far so good. We're figuring it out as we go along.
Things are very different from what I am used to, so I am adjusting and I'm sure Justin and Tom are as well.
As of right now we're still figuring out what works for all of us and gives us all the greatest sense of comfort. As for now I am sleeping in with Tom Sat-Tues-and Thurs. I am with Justin for the rest of the nights. During the days we have been doing a lot together.
I've been working for a medical marijuana dispensary doing delivery driving but we are currently closed down for 2 weeks. I make really good money and it's worth working there, even though it could get me in trouble. I would do anything to keep my kids in a warm home, with clothing that fits, shoes that aren't falling apart, warm food in their bellies, a comfy bed to sleep in, and a whole world full of educational resources for them to learn from (homeschooling activities, books, workshops, etc). Completely worth putting myself on the line for them.
Things with my mom and sister are going really well, surprisingly. We've all been getting along and things have been really great recently (knock on wood). I've been spending more time than ever with my sister - we've been smoking up and playing cards against humanity.
I finally heard back from Liz; after 6 months! I received some pictures and videos. She gave me some homeschooling resources that I didn't know about before. I really appreciated that. I wish that she would communicate with me more frequently. I texted her multiple times and sent her a few packages in the mail that had a card filled out with my contact info before I finally heard back from her. It was a huge surprise but I'm glad it happened. I'm sure if I didn't push it, she wouldn't have either, and probably have continued on like I never existed. Who knows, maybe that is my own insecurity talking. *shrugs*
I have been avoiding how I feel emotionally for the most part. Bud makes that easier to do, easier to handle too.
Oh and I got a new tattoo - a chest piece. It's just a really pretty lace piece that I feel is "me". Very feminine but also strong and classy.
Emotionally, inside, I've been a mess and I've struggled. But I've been coping really well impo. I haven't self harmed, my suicidal thoughts have been at an all time low - although sometimes I do feel depressed. When I start feeling depressed I try hard to focus on the things and people that I couldn't imagine losing - my husband, my kids, tom, my home, etc. I focus on all the things I love about them all. The hugs, the snuggles, the laughter that comes from my children's mouths, the giggles, the sweet little lips on my cheek and the tiny voices telling me they love me, their heartbeats that seemingly keep me alive as I press my head against their chest - listening to the thumping like my life depends on it as I inhale their scent in deeply. I hold onto it all and I realize - THIS is what life is - not the other stuff that tears me down - THIS is - these humans in my life that I couldn't imagine living without. I realize that I want to live life for them - so that I can keep experiencing all these incredible life moments with them. All the times my kids learn new skills, or when my husband gets a new job he's proud of, or when my boyfriend acquires a new skill he wishes to learn to assist him in his future. That is what I want to live for. And that is what I focus on.