I've been up and I've been down.
Things have been all over the place. A couple weeks ago Althea had a seizure, it was very scary, but thankfully she's ok because it was just a febrile seizure. But that really brought about a lot of anxiety within me.
I had a dream last week where I had gone to see Bennett, I was driving down to SC to see him - unapproved. People were trying to stop me but I didn't care, I just wanted to see him, watch him, and know that he was healthy and safe from afar. Creepily. I couldn't help it. I needed to see him with my own eyes, which I haven't in almost 8 years. :(
Since then, I've been battling days where it's really hard to leave bed, my body is just so extremely heavy, and I'm beyond exhausted. But I'm doing what I can.
I also started training for a new job called The Nan Project. It's a suicide prevention agency - non profit organization that has peer mentorship in high schools throughout MA, as well as other meetings about suicide awareness and bringing mental health awareness to others. I feel that this is an important part of my journey.
Recently, I've been finding my purpose. I believe I'm here to help my generation and the newer generations access more adequate information on raising children. Information on brain development, parenting strategies that benefit the actively growing brain, beneficial therapeutic interaction that helps parents teach coping skills, emotional recognition, and emotional regulation to their children. As well as implementing programs that bring more resources to parents from the moment they find they're expecting to 18 years of age. The programs I have in mind focus on baby items, clothing items, and toys that are in a donate/ borrow type system, as well as doula partnerships, midwifery partnerships, gentle parenting coaching partnerships, postnatal mother support services - cleaning, childcare, food planning, grocery shopping, all for no cost to the new parents in low income communities. This is my vision that I will begin to work towards and hopefully the proper avenues will continue to open for me. The Nan Project as well as work with the Gentle Parenting group owner on FB Sujai, who is a parenting coach, are my starting point at this time. I hope to be able to find and use all the resources they are able to offer me on bringing my vision to fruition.