Pandemic continues, no response from Liz, and life is a nightmare

We’re getting into the thick of it, this pandemic that is - SARS-COV-2, the disease brings COVID -19.  277 new cases today since yesterday in my state of R.I. alone. 8 new deaths and one guy was in his 20s. It’s getting really scary. I haven’t left my house, except to go grocery shopping twice, in about a month now. It’s projected that the cases will continue to get worse and won’t hit its peak until mid May - a whole month + from now. Scary scary virus and scary scary times. The grocery stores are nearly empty especially the ice cream and frozen breakfast section for some reason, completely empty.
I tried to text Liz, telling her that I cared about them and hope they’re staying safe and healthy but I got no response back. Go figure, right?

I’m just barely hanging on. We’ve (the kids and I) been doing distant learning online for about 3 weeks, going on 4 weeks soon. It’s been going... I’ve been overwhelmed. 

I did make the baby a blanket. We paid for something called “sneak peak” which tells gender results based on a home finger pricked blood test. Supposedly if they pick up the Y chromosome in the blood you’re having a boy and if it’s not detected then you’re having a girl. The chromosome was detected in my boy so I got the BOY result! Justin and I decided on naming him Emrys Phoenix. He’s started moving to where I can feel it the past couple weeks  💕 

My pregnancy so far is going well but we’re in the middle of this pandemic which is really causing a lot of fear and anxiety. I have my anatomy ultrasound in 3 weeks and I have to go in alone to it, no visitors or guests are allowed due to the virus. I can’t even convey how scared I am. 85% of the time I wish I could hit my vape to handle the amount of fear and panic I consistently feel but I know it’s not the healthiest choice for the baby so I’ve been avoiding. 

Today was a very stressful day so I wish I could today really bad, but I haven’t. The landlord tested blowing up our phones being a bitch about the mattresses outside our house telling us they need to go ASAP - even though the state isn’t taking them due to the virus... where does she expect they go?! Ugh. And then Sara - Justin’s sister who is living with us temporarily and for the past month refuses to pay rent as long as she’s bringing Justin to work. That’s $400 she’s refusing to pay us that we should be getting. I lowered it to $200 to take off what she’s paying in rent and she said it was unfair and if she had to pay it then she no longer was bringing or picking up Justin from work. Fucking bitch. So I’m angry and feeling used about that. And the only reason she’s even taking him to work and home is because our engine and transmission went on our van about a week ago and my cousin who was taking Justin to work and home moved to ct. I feel like it’s the LEAST she could do - is take him to work while she stays here, alongside paying rent. But clearly she thinks differently so I’m gonna draft a contract that she needs to pay us $500 a month and my mom is going to help with Justin’s rides until we can get the van fixed which will take a couple of weeks. 

Life feels like a nightmare right now but the good news is is that my med is working so I don’t feel like dying, and I got approved for disability. It’ll be helpful a lot. 

Tomorrow I plan on doing a fun activity with the kids - blowing colored bubbles onto paper, once Noel finishes his schoolwork online. I hope and believe they will enjoy it. 

Well, it’s getting late and I’ve got to get these littles in bed. Til another time ... 

Coronavirus pandemic

Since I’ve last posted we’ve had to go into self isolation/quarantine as part of a country wide social distancing practice. We are in the middle of a pandemic - The Coronavirus -aka- Covid-19. It’s very scary to leave our homes to do anything, even grocery shop. All of the schools are closed so we are doing distant learning, aka homeschooling with teacher directive through online programs such as google classroom and google hangouts. There’s not much on the shelves at the grocery stores because people have already gone out and panic bought everything they could off the shelves - especially toilet paper and bread.
I’ve survived the first day of distant learning here at home with the older two littles, Lailah and Noel. Noel learned all day about the Savanna, the animals, the ecosystem, and he did some math as well. Lailah learned a variety of subjects that are typical for 6th grade. Thea was a bit stressful because she wanted them to play and wanted my attention often and couldn’t understand why she couldn’t have either of what she wanted as much as she wanted it.
Otherwise, so far - things are going alright. Sara, Justin’s sister moved in last week but then quickly became ill with something so she’s out at the hospital trapped there without visitors, as the hospitals aren’t allowing any and they’re pretty much on lockdown.
My pregnancy is progressing well, I’m 14 weeks. I’ve been cramping the last couple of days but I think it’s because I went grocery shopping the other day. Otherwise I’m feeling alright. We don’t have many boy names but I think we’ve agreed on the name Auralea for a girl. The only boy name that’s on my mind currently is Leander so we will see. I was very disappointed and sad yesterday since I had to cancel our 4D gender ultrasound. But it’s not worth it to potentially get this pretty severe virus that’s going around.
The only really good news is that the new Animal Crossing game came out for the Switch and I was able to get it. Now during any spare time I have I’ll have something to do.

Haven't posted in a long while.

Wow, I haven't written in a long while.
You know what that means right... I've been struggling.
I ended up getting scammed by Sujai Johnson of the Gentle Parents Unite group for a lot of money which really hurt me and caused me to lose a lot of faith in others and in myself. I pulled away from the internet a lot since then and I've been mostly just battling with my depression and taking care of my home and family. I broke up with my other partner, Brad, which I am not having any issues with, I'm glad I did, it wasn't a good fit.
Justin and I started trying for our last baby soon after Christmas last year and we got pregnant very first try so we are expecting our last little baby, I am currently about 9 weeks pregnant.
Other than that I don't have too much to add. I am still hoping to return to school after this baby is born and ages a bit to the age I feel safe enough to leave him or her. Unless I take night classes I guess because I would always feel comfortable leaving baby at home with Justin.
Not much else to add... I really just came on here to add a note to Bennett and maybe update Althea's blog as well.
Ah, I'll also add that I have finally finished applying for disability, for my depression/anxiety/etc. I'll know if I get approved within the next 4 months or so... only time will tell..
I feel so completely useless and worthless "needing" disability for us to get by. But I know working right now is not good for my mental or emotional health whatsoever. I will one day feel better, I know I will, but for now, I'm just trying to care for my children and stay alive at the same time.