These past two months have felt like I've been living in Hell on Earth. Seriously. It has been emotional and mental hell.
Hit over and over again.
My sister being an asshole. Wham.
Bennett's birthday. Wham.
My family going on the cruise and everything that happened with that. Wham, wham, wham.
Mothers day. Wham!
My mother being a cunt. Double wham!
Leaving my mothers house, bouncing around others homes, and finally landing back at my dads house. WHAM, WHAM, WHAM, WHAMWHAMWHAM.
Jeeze, you'd think I'd be able to catch a break but nope.
So, in my last post I ended off with talking about the cruise and the daycare. Mothers day was approaching the following day. So here goes:
The sad thing about Mothers day - besides not having Bennett with me, was that I went to get my mom a card and unfortunately I couldn't find anything that wouldn't have made me a liar to buy. She was never there for me, never listened to me, never hugged me, never cared for me, nor has she ever been supportive or kind to me. She's everything I aim not to be as a mother. So, that really sucked because I felt obligated to get her a card or something or else I'd have had to hear it nonstop from her. I'd have been attacked by her, my sister, and my brother. I didn't want to deal with it.
Fast forward to the Monday after Mother's day - almost 2 weeks ago. I had an appointment to go to and my mom was supposed to watch Noel for me as I attended my appointment that was only a half hour long. But she wasn't home. Moe was home but I didn't feel comfortable leaving Noel with her so I didn't go. When my mom got home I attempted to talk to her about it but she claimed that she told me she had a doctors appt which she did not tell me it was at the same time as mine - and that she felt Moe could just watch him anyhow. I told her I did not feel comfortable with Moe watching him since I didn't like the way she was with children at all. She overheard me from the other room - which I didn't even know she was in. She texted my mom threatening her that if I didn't go downstairs then she was leaving and no longer helping her with the daycare because I wasn't supposed to be there during daycare hours. So my mom started freaking out - mostly on me. I was hungry and I had gone upstairs to eat which is when I caught my mom for the conversation.
So, I ended up calling 211 and got us put on the family shelter list.
So - fast forward to the next Thursday I got a call from a shelter that is 25 minutes away. I told her I would have to talk to my family and call her back (Justin and Lailah).
Fast forward to Saturday - My mom came downstairs "asking" (demanding) that I go and watch a daycare kid because she "emotionally don't feel well". I asked her why, she told me that she got caught by the state withholding abuse information about her husbands ex which placed his kids in a dangerous situation. So they stripped her of her daycare license since she is required by law to report any and all abusive situations immediately. Which she failed to do until it was convenient for her (she wanted to take custody of her husbands other 2 kids to spite the mother).
Anyways...
So, I said, "Welcome to my world."
and she said, "I wish I had your life, it's so EASY!"
And I said, "You have no idea what my life is like or how I feel because you don't care to. You don't care to know me or talk to me or understand me. I struggle a lot emotionally and mentally and you don't even care."
So she went off like a firecracker! Screaming, "Nevermind! I don't want your help! You only ever care about yourself! Everything is always about you! Who cares about anyone else because you're selfish! You only care about you! You won't even help or care about your own mother!"As she ran upstairs and locked all of the doors. -.-
So noon passed and 1pm, 2pm, 3pm - Lailah went upstairs multiple times knocking on the door telling my mom she's hungry and thirsty and to let her in but my mom would not let her in, even though she was sitting right inside the kitchen on the other side of the door.
So I decided that was the final straw and I packed up our things and we left. I had no idea where we were going but we left. My dad came over and he helped us pack our things into the car and then he took us for lunch/dinner because we were starving!
I ended up driving an hour away to go stay at my aunt Cindy and uncle Mikes house. They are the nicest people I know. I love my aunt Cindy more than she knows, I think. She really listens to me, gets me, understands me - you know? I feel like she really is the only person (besides Justin) who truly tries to understand me and cares for me. It means the world to me. I really hope she knows that. I keep telling her but I don't know how much she really believes me. I appreciate it and I appreciate her.
So we stayed with them for one night and then we moved on into Justin's Adads house.
We stayed there the past week.
We called back the shelter on Monday in attempt to go there but they told us we had to get Background checks done. So we went and got them but Justin's pat court shit was on his record even though he was found Not Guilty. So we were told we had to get it expunged. We went to the courthouse to do that and he got a court date to go to and it's $100 to get it cleared. WTF.
Now we are at my dads house, moved back in.
The next steps are for me to get a job and work towards getting the necessary scholarships for school in fall. I HAVE to do this.
I really want to attempt to get the job back that I had 3 years ago as a home based therapist working with children who have behavioral and mental health struggles. It pays well. The only problem with that is that they only have 15 hour a week cases, which would mean that I would need to take on 2 cases and I don't know if they do that. Because daycare assistance requires 20 hours of work a week. And we wouldn't be able to afford to pay someone for daycare when it would be more than half the money that I'm making. It would be pointless.
So, I guess we'll see..... I'll report back when I know more.
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