I applied for some jobs and I got a call back last Weds for a job as an HBTS. I was really excited at first and was thrilled to receive the call. The woman was going to schedule me for an interview but then hesitated and said she had to speak to the scheduling supervisor first and that she would email me. But she never emailed me. She said to me that if the supervisor approved the interview would be on this Tuesday - today. Over the next few days and weekend I didn't get my hopes up about the job.
Yesterday I got a call from Johnson and Wales - the college I want to attend. It was the financial advisor.. She told me that I have a full financial aid package and that I don't have to pay anything. So, I got really excited and thrilled to hear that. That means that school can be my way into a brighter future. Yeah, it'll be 5 years for me to get my Masters degree, but the past 6 years since I've had Lailah have FLOWN by. So I know I can do this. Then last night around 3-3:30 the interview woman called me and left me a message saying she didn't have my resume or anything but that she was going to confirm the interview for today at 9am.
My head started spinning with thoughts like this:
How am I going to go to school full time, go to work part time, and see my babies? How am I going to get any homework done? How am I going to pump that much milk while being gone all day? Is money worth not seeing my children?
I started having major anxiety. I decided to call two people that I trust the most besides Justin. First I called and talked to Tom and heard what he thoughts, then I called my Aunt Cindy and heard what she had to say, and I decided that I was going to make school my priority.
So here we are. We're living at my dads and I'm hoping Justin gets a better job or he gets promoted to manager at McDonalds. They did raise his pay to $8.35 supposedly. But that's not really helpful at all.
My dad let us use his food stamps for food, so I went shopping and grabbed a bunch of things for the whole house.
I like being here at my dads a whoolllleee lot more than being at my moms. Although, I've always liked my dad more than my mom. My dad has hurt me in the past but he's not as emotionally or mentally or verbally abusive as my mom is. He doesn't make me feel suicidal or like hurting myself to cope with the pain.
Summer is here and I am hoping to get out of the house a lot more. Although, Lailah doesn't get out of school until the 19th. Maybe I can talk my dad into a lot of beach trips - that way I'm not wasting gas.
In lighter news, my baby girl is almost out of kindergarten. I am so proud of her. I can't believe how big she's gotten and how intelligent she is. She is literally the most perfect child I could ask for. She's a great big sister and she's an amazing listener, she has a huge heart and an intelligent mind. She's an awesome little person. I can't wait to see the person she grows into one day and everyday I am to steer her in the right direction to be the best person she can become. Noel is wonderful. He's growing so fast. He's pretty advanced I think, for his age. He's doing so much. For more on them you can check out the blogs I have for them.
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