I want sanity

I am overwhelmed. I am so completely overwhelmed. I feel like crying and I wish I could just have some time to myself. I feel like I'm at my edge.
Today I got into a "fight" with Lailah. I asked her to please help me with her brother and she threw a fit and then I got upset she was throwing a fit and it escalated and I yelled at her and I made her sit on her bed alone. Then when we were both calmed down I talked to her one on one. We worked it all out and I tried explaining to her that I react the way I do due to my past and that it's not her. I apologized and explained that it's NOT okay that I yell at her and get upset and that I will work on new ways to communicate with her as long as she is willing to work with me and listen to me.

I've been thinking of smoking again. I want to so bad. I don't know though. I don't know if it would help me. I don't know if it would be the same as it was before. I am hesitant mostly because I'm still nursing Noel. But I've read and heard that cannaboids are naturally produced in breastmilk and that THC does not pass through breastmilk.

I just hate how I've been recently and I need help. I need help to feel like myself again. I want to feel sane again.