Question brought up in therapy - searching for answers.

I had therapy today and my therapist seemed to be looking for insight into something about me - something I didn't have the answer for.
He was questioning how and why I decided to be different than my parents.
Why I am so against abuse, hitting children, manipulation, threats, bribery, punishments, and other forms of corporal punishment and emotional/mental control. Why I aim to be different and feel so guilty when I slip up or make mistakes.
If I knew, I would have the premise for a great parenting book - but I don't.
I just - decided.
And that's all I have to it.
I remember so vividly the pain I experienced alone, the loneliness I felt, I felt so unloved, abandoned, hated, and empty. I decided I never ever wanted my kids to experience what I did and I decided that I would do whatever it took for me to do differently. And that's all I have to it. Remembering my own pain gave me the motivation. And for some people it doesn't - they feel it was done to them so it should be done to their children as well. My parents parented that way and it didn't benefit me in any way - it only hurt me, I feel. They didn't succeed. And who I am today is in spite of them, not due to them... I am who I am because *I* made the choices and the decisions to be who I am today, *I* put in the hard work and the effort and I made very hard changes to become who I am - and I continue to, no thanks to my parents.
I'm not sure what he was looking for.. and now it's weighing on my mind, bothering me.


I was just thinking of all the reasons I gave him -
that I remember the pain and don't want it for my kids,
that I have always been rebellious and assertive and hated being told what to do or what I can do,
that I have enjoy proving myself - feeling I can do or overcome what others can't or have trouble overcoming...

Maybe my motivation is to feel worthiness... worthy of something, I'm not sure. Worthy of life, love, Idk... or feeling like I have some sort of meaning? That I matter and that I'll prove it. Idk.
I've always felt like I have to prove myself to my parents - that I was never good enough.