more changes.

Yesterday I was in the L&D at the hospital... I was having frequent contractions every 10-15 mins for  2 days... I called my midwife and she came over. My contractions started picking up to every 5-10 mins. I decided to let her check my cervix and see if they were dilating me at all - and we discovered they were. I am 1 cm dilated and 40% effaced. So, we took the trip down to one of the hospitals.

I hated it, it was horrible. I truly truly truly do NOT want to birth in a hospital again. The nurses are calloused - it's like they've done it fifty billion times and forget that for each women it's a new experience. The nurse I had was nice enough but very calloused in some ways. For example she told me I should go to W&I if I was to go into preterm labor again. I told her I have too much trauma associated with that hospital. She said "Well, sorry about that BUT you'd be delaying your baby important care if you birthed here, we would just send you to W&I after catching the baby. Hospitals don't see moms as human - they only see the baby as the patient and fuck moms. Fuck their experience. It pisses me off. But my midwife was there to help me through a lot. She was kind, understanding, she listened to me vent about so much in my life, she offered insight and support, I really appreciated that she was there. I'm only 30 weeks atm so it was very scary for me.

I truly believe that the contractions were due to, or somehow tied into, my adoption experience. I've been pushing a lot about the adoption away from my mind - ignoring everything that comes with it. I feel like I just have too much other stuff to deal with and cope with right now. I have the baby coming and my sisters bullshit, which are the two big ones. I just don't feel equip to handle the emotions that would come up with the adoption right now.

On top of it - good news but also stressful - is that Justin got a new job. This job is paying 1.80 more an hour and guaranteed 40 hours a week. What he will be making at this job - he was making biweekly at his last job. So, it's incredible for us financially - but hard on me with this baby coming.