Ups and Downs

It's been a while again... which typically means I've been overwhelmed and dealing with some shit. Usually when I stop writing it means I'm avoiding.
It's easier to avoid than it is to face what I'm trying to cope through.
A lot has happened in the past short 3 months.
I'm not sure where to begin but I guess I'll just start purging whatever first comes to mind and go from there.
Bennett. I talked to Liz about 3 weeks ago. She texted me, then I asked her to talk, and she called me. We talked on the phone for a while, cried, and opened up to one another. She told me she was planning on telling Bennett that he's adopted, finally! But only after I kind of sort of pushed her. I told her that I didn't think I could do the partially open partially closed thing anymore. I told her how badly it still hurts on my side and how much I love and miss Bennett. We both cried a lot. She said she wants the adoption to be open and for him to know me and my family and for us to know him. She said she was planning on telling him this summer anyways but that it was hard and she was scared. I told her that I'm afraid too and that she's not alone. She told me to expect a call in a couple weeks but it's been 3 weeks at least now and nothing so Idk. Yesterday I reached out and texted her, a short and simple text saying hi and asking how they all are and if she has an update. I ended it on the note of I hope to hear back and I love them. Simple, short, and sweet. Best I could do. But no response as of yet.. It feels very up in the air and I have no idea where it will go. It's anxiety inducing.
Emily and Scott. Emily was Scott's (Lailah's dad) fiance but I guess not anymore. He's being a complete asshole but that's nothing new. Long story short - they got into a fight about some other woman messaging him inappropriately and he broke up with her over her response to it (which wasn't any more dramatic than any other woman would have been) and she ran to me and I was somehow dragged in. I felt obligated to because she said she had nobody else and she was feeling suicidal. So I felt that if I don't be there for her if anything happens to her then it'll be my fault so I have to help her. It just pisses me off because it should be Scott's job but no, he's the one making her feel that way. Like, how can you tell someone you want to marry them and be there for them for life a couple months ago and then just suddenly you're not in love with them anymore and don't want to even look at their face? Same question I asked a decade ago though, when he did it to me... I shouldn't be surprised or anything. Oh and get this. Scott got arrested about a month ago for not paying off his back child support. Apparently, Emily paid off the over 11 grand necessary for him to get out.... and this is how he repays her... Nevermind the fact she's dumped about 5 grand into their wedding already. Fucking asshole. I can't stand him.
Outside of those things, I've just been home caring for Noel, Thea, and Lailah. Doing my best to be the best mom I can be. I have been up and down...
A couple friday's ago I went out to play cards and I had a drink, then another drink, and then I started a 3rd drink and I got wicked drunk and it wasn't so great. I puked in my moms car... then all over the side walk, then I called my friend Tiffany and I talked to her while I was bawling my eyes out and grieving for Bennett in the shower. It felt like I was reliving the moment I got home without him, all over again. It was a nightmare. But I feel it was necessary... it was something that had to be done. I kept crying and yelling out, he's gone... they just took him... nobody cares, nobody cares... I'm all alone, and now he's gone... and more.
Idk... I'm surviving.. and I guess I'll keep surviving..