Long Time gone, everyday is still a new beginning.

So, I haven't posted in a long time. My new beginning was supposed to be me moving away with my boyfriend and living a happy life, but that just didn't happen. He is now my ex. It's a really long story. Basically, he moved away.. loved his "new life" better without me. Told me he didn't know if he wanted to be with me anymore and wasn't going to choose to be with me, or not with me. We eventually broke up and I went psycho. Literally. I just lost my mind.
Anyways, I guess the past is the past.. but I got back up and started another new beginning. Last night I was talking to a friend. I said, We all fall down, we just have to get back up. A child falls how many times when he/she's learning to walk? Yeah, plenty of times? They might resort back to crawling for a while too, but we always got back up and tried again ! Right? Of course, and if we didn't have to motivation, we never would have got anywhere.
Well, here we are in the future.. I'm stuck in the middle of a very complicated situation.. with a new guy I'm seeing. I don't know anymore. I don't know if I should wait around for this guy, for God knows how long. I wanted to, I wanted to so so bad. I miss him, I might have even fallen for him... Or am in the process of. But, it's recently turned into a drama fest because of a member of his family.. How can I compete with people he grew up around? I don't even think I can handle it? Last night a friend of mine and myself we went over every single scenario we could possibly think of, and most of them didn't end well. Oh well, thank you life. Well, if one window closes, I just have to open another one, right?
Anyways, I guess I'm the kind of person who just likes to pretend things don't happen and once they're "over" I pretend to move on. I hate to feel "weak". I'm still working on my complaining though. WHILE things are not the way I'm happy with, I bring it up to everyone possible. I don't know what I'm looking for. I guess, reassurance.. I guess.. I don't know. I don't know why I do it. My mind just seems to run a billion thoughts a minute and whatever the problem is just stuck on my mind, replaying and replaying and I just feel more anxious and more sick. I just, I can't deal with it, I don't want to deal with it.. I guess I just try so hard to get out.
Today, I'm just trying to live in the now, no matter how stressed and anxious I feel. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, and it just might bring the end to something I felt could have been a good thing.
On another note, the other night when I broke down I realize most of the pain inside that I feel, revolves around me feeling that my son was taken from me, that I'm mad at my ex for lying and taking everything I had and leaving me struggling to get back on my feet, and wondering why things always have to end so harshly. I always knew the world was a cruel place. I guess, I just didn't think it could be this cruel.