Just to catch up.

Hi there again,
Well now.. I've decided that I'm not choosing between my best friend or my boyfriend. They both know what's going on in my mind, body, and spirit. They can make the choice. Other wise, I'm letting life pass by and just living each moment as it comes to the best of my ability. I will do my very best to not hurt either of them.
My little girls 5th birthday is coming up in 4 days ! I can not believe that she is SO big already. I really want another baby but right now seems to not be the time. No matter how bad I can't get it off my mind.
I'm finishing up school for Medical Assisting and I'll be started externship in a few weeks. I'm super excited an really nervous at the same time. I'm so glad to be opening this new chapter of my life though. Lets hope I can stay on track and on top of everything in the future.

Alright so, I'm feeling pretty frustrated. Can someone please remind me what the point of life is again? You live. You die. And the point of life is to make the best with what you go? Meaning? Give to everyone but have no time to take, focus on everyone else but don't focus on yourself, spend all your time helping someone else live luxuriously and not being able to 'live' much at all. That's how I feel right now.
I'm going to be a medical assistant soon making about $15 an hour, which isn't much at all; considering. Not enough to pay off all my bills which include: rent, car insurance, student loans, car loan, cell phone, groceries, home necessities, my daughter, and gas for necessary travel. I'm only 23. Yet I feel like I'm in my 40s with no money and little reason to live.
My only reason to live is my daughter since I've already messed up apparently and brought her into this cruel world - for her to grow up and also hate life and struggle. There's nothing I can do to prevent that. I can teach her to love life, but honestly? WHY?!
We work long hours, putting ourselves aside, to make little money and barely get by, to then die in debt and pass it onto future generations. Where has quality of life gone?
Then they all wonder why there are more mental disorders and whatever else that's going on now. MAYBE because  mothers/parents aren't able to stay home and RAISE their children, they don't have TIME to spend on these little humans to raise them right and care about their futures. They are far too busy working full time and excessive hours while their child is sitting in a small room with 10 other children with one or two adults who are getting paid to 'care' for them, which doesn't include raising or teaching them well. It's a fucked up society to live in. The parents must work all these hours so that they can earn enough income to bring their little one home to a bed after filling their little tummies. It's ridiculous. Work, school, eat, and no play. No spare time. Fuck this bullshit ! That's what's on my mind.