Only 10 more days!

Currently 35weeks - going on 5days pregnant with baby #3. I can't believe I've held on this much longer since preterm labor at 31 weeks. Crazy. I'm happy though. I'd like to keep baby in for at least another 5 days. Or until the 27th which is 10 days - that's my birthday and also 37 weeks which is considered full term. :) I haven't been checked again for dilation or effacement so as far as I know I'm only 2cms still and 50% effaced. Probably more though now. At my last appt two Fridays ago I was told that I've gained 34 lbs - again, probably more now. I was told I should probably be more active. But I just feel like I can't. I'm so sore and tired all the time. My muscles cramp easily and my back hurts really really bad pretty often. :/ I'm not comfortable. I'm so thankful for my acid reflux meds because my acid reflux has been the worst and it makes it go away temporarily. Blah. Only 10 more days!! Then we can see what this little one is - a boy or a girl and I get to hold him and her in my arms and fall completely in love all over again. <3 I'm nervous but feeling ready to get this little one out!

On a different note.... Liz hasn't texted me back. Unfortunately. I know maybe she's busy and that's why she texted early this month and in the morning... but it just really makes me feel down and sad. I wish she could just answer me. How hard is it to just send a 10 second text? I'll never understand.
I've been feeling down lately and guilty about not knowing anything about Bennett's NICU stay. With this baby's birth approaching, I have been thinking a lot about my last labor and birth - and that was Bennett's. And I have no idea about his stay. I was made to sign TPR two days after he was born - then leave the hospital. I don't know what happened to him while he was there, if he had any surgeries, or how long he was even there for. And I hate myself for it. I truly feel as if I abandoned him. What kind of mother was I? I know I wanted what was best for him and at the time it killed me to walk away. I should have fought through it though and went to see him no matter what they said or felt. I should know these things about him! It makes me hurt inside and angry as well.

Nothing else going on in the world of me. Lounging around, crocheting, sleeping, eating.... bringing Lailah to school and picking her up, anddddd pretty much nothing else. Yeah, I'm lazy.

Well, until next time. :)