Broken head

I feel myself sinking into a pretty deep depression today. Our bank is -140 in the negatives. Justin was supposed to get paid today but for whatever reason his pay was never direct deposited. We can't afford to live.
I don't know what to do anymore.

I just had a complete breakdown. It crept up on me an attacked. I tried so hard to keep it away - to ignore it. But I couldn't. Noel was crying and I ignored him - that's how great of a mom I am.
I went into the other room away from the kids - Justin called me. I shouted at him about how things aren't going to change, thinks aren't going to get better, and then I hung up. I then couldn't control myself anymore and I grabbed the guitar sitting on the bed in the other room and I slammed my head into it a few times. I felt a calm rush over me as I felt the frustration leaving me through the top of my forehead. I placed my hands on my head and just stood there waiting for all of it to rush out when I realized my hands were wet - blood. I then went into the bathroom to clean it up but I didn't know what to do for the gash across my head - I called Sherry in to help me and she got the bleeding to stop.

I can't do this anymore. Everyday I think more and more about having some couple adopt Noel and have Lailah's dad or her Memere take custody of her.

I can't handle life anymore. I don't want to.