FML

Well, it happened again. I have cut contact with Tom.

Honestly, I feel that he really just doesn't care about me as much as he says he does. If he cared about me he would want to see me and he wouldn't keep lying, bailing, and making up excuse after excuse. 

I can't get what I feel I need from him. I can't get what I feel I put out, in return. And that really hurts. 

I told him that I had reached my limit and that I had to protect myself. 

For me, it's not much different than Bennett's adoption, which I am also considering cutting off. It's just so little contact that it literally hurts. It causes more pain than none I would feel. At least with none I feel I could grieve and move on eventually. With the way things are now I get a little contact and then periods without and during the periods without it hurts and then I get contact again and then each time without I feel more depressed than before. It is truly a struggle.
He hasn't even attempted to contact me. He hasn't called me, hasn't messaged me on another profile, hasn't tried to contact Justin at all, and he's also not here... so that shows me how much he really truly cares. I doubt that he will even attempt to see how I am and that this will be the end to our almost 7 year friendship. 

In a different event I asked my dad for help paying for a blow up mattress and I told him that we couldn't afford to keep making payment on this rent-a-center mattress as it's $120 a month. He of course ran to my mom about it. She told him that she had paid our mattress off. He called and told me. I had Justin call rent-a-center to check since, well since when can we trust her? And they told us no payments had been made and that they have to come retrieve our mattress. I called and told my dad that mom had lied but he insists that she did not. He called her back then me back and her story had changed to "paying off the mattress next week". Righttt.... We will see. If RAC comes and picks up our bed we will truly know that she's lying but even if they don't and she does pay it off I will feel that it had more to do with my dad pressuring her than anything else. 

I've been feeling this lower abdominal pain for the past week now. I went to the walk in clinic on Sunday and they told me I had a uti/bladder infection and gave me antibiotics but the meds are almost finished and yet I am still in pain. I might decide to go to the ER but I am not sure yet. I'm waiting it out to be sure it isn't just constipation that will resolve itself. We will see in time I guess.