Monday, November 21, 2016

Back to square one.

Guess we are back to square one. With Tom that is.
I'm just soooooo done. Like, I'm so sick of the back and forth bullshit. It seems that everything is good as long as I'm around when it's convenient for him. But fuck what I feel I need or want.
This time it was about my birthday. I invited him well over a month ago. He said he would come up for my birthday. But then I asked him if he could bring a game for that sat that we would be celebrating and he was like "oh shit, you're celebrating sat?" And like, yeah.... everyone works on Monday, nobody wants to be up til 4am on Sunday when they have to work Monday... since when have I EVER celebrated on a day that is not Friday or Sat?
I straight up bitched him out too. I'm not one to hold anything back. Anything you read here, I've said to him straight up. I don't beat around the bush or tip toe around what I feel and think.
So then he was all like, yo I can't come Sat I have to work, sorry they need two people on, blah blah blah, I can come Sun. And I was like, there's no point.. I'm celebrating Sat, on Sun you would just pretty much be hanging out with my kids as I scroll my facebook laying in bed, we wouldn't even be hanging out or anything together.
Only after like an hour of me being a complete bitch he was like "Well, what if I can get Sat off and come up?" Oh, so he didn't even fucking bother to ASK before my bitch fit??!?! Like wtf. Apparently, I'm not even worth ASKING for, it wasn't even like he KNEW he couldn't. He just literally didn't even bother asking. I was like LMAO, NOW? No. I don't want shit from you.
He then messaged me some stupid ass video which was the WRONG thing to send me when I was pissed off. I wasn't even planning on blocking him and just being done. But after that I blocked him and I don't think I will ever look back. I'm literally so done with the fucking bullshit.
I've kept trying and trying and trying and forcing something that doesn't seem to be working because I couldn't accept letting go of my longest friendship of 7 years. But it clearly isn't emotionally healthy for me anymore and I just can't keep feeling like I am not of any importance at all to him. He's so fucking back and forth, there and then not, he loves me then he's emotionally void, he cares but then he doesn't. I'm so done with it. I tried for so fucking long, he can't even claim that I didn't.
But wtf does it matter what he thinks of me anyhow? wtf ever man.

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