Exhausting.

Life has been stressful. I feel like I'm running in place never to actually GO anywhere.
It's like NOTHING ever goes right. Besides my children's health - thankfully that's good *knock on wood*.
Last week I went to the doctor with bladder pain to find out that I have blood in my urine. My doctor doesn't know why and I was negative for a UTI or infection, showed no signs of it. I also have a yeast infection but can't take any medication because I'm breastfeeding - but I'm going to try probiotics.
I've put in my 2 weeks notice at work. It's just not working out for SO many reasons. The number 1 reason is because I don't feel it's safe for my health physically, mentally, or emotionally. I guess it takes a much stronger person than me. I go into work and I get pushed, liquids thrown at me, hit, shoved, spit at, screamed at inches from my face, threatened, and sworn at. All by an 11 yr old obese child. I can't handle it. 2. Financially it's just not even worth it. I don't get paid enough for what I do; never mind the fact that I don't get any gas reimbursement yet I have to travel him around to different community outings. The gas is outrageous compared to what I'm bringing home. It's just not worth it at all.
I've applied at target and I'm hoping to get that job even though it's a boring ass bottom end job.
I had a therapist - last time I went and seen her she told me her computer was down and she would call me with an appointment - yet over a month later and she hasn't. Never mind the fact that she refused to listen to my emotions anyhow. No point in even trying again with that.
I feel like I'm so depressed. I'm good at pretending I'm not. I'm excellent at putting on a fake smile and doing whatever it is that needs to be done in life so that I appear just as normal as everyone else. Most of the time, I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to keep pretending. It is EXHAUSTING.