I am feeling overwhelmed.
Not with life, but internally - mentally, emotionally, psychologically.
I miss Tom, I miss having a friend always there for me to talk to, every single day.
I don't have many friends otherwise. I don't know how people function alone, in their head all the time, without friends.
I have Tiffany - who is often busy with her own life and lives far away, Rebecca who is often there but has a lot of her own difficult life that she is processing and dealing with, Jordan who also has the same - a lot of stuff in her life, and then a couple other friends who well, the same thing.. I feel like I am a burden to them if I try to talk to them all the time.
I'm trying to learn how to handle life on my own. I'm trying to beat my depression and not let it hold me back or down.
I've been scheduling my time and keeping motivated - for the most part. Even when I can't complete all my goals, I get some things done.
I've been cleaning and keeping up on cleaning my home. I want to put together a daily schedule and a chore chart for the kids and our homelife as well.
Tomorrow I really need to go to the walk in clinic to see if I can get a med refill and a referral to a psychiatrists office, drop off copies of the kids bc to the social security office, fill out paperwork, and also mail the homeschooling paperwork to the school department. I could walk to the school department but I feel too much anxiety about it so I think I'll probably just mail it. We will see.
I also sent a long text to Liz... basically telling her I want to open up to her.. I want to discuss everything that led up to the adoption and why it all happened the way it had. Idk if I'll get a text back.. but if not, it's okay. I understand that it's a fragile situation and that she may not be in a place mentally or emotionally to handle a closer more intimate friendship with me like that.
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