Lonely

I haven't written in a few days. Not really much to talk about I guess. I'm going to be getting my income tax in hopefully around the middle of next week. That's exciting because the money will be extremely helpful. I have some bills that need to be paid off and I need to have my car fixed and inspected. I also need to get some things for the kids and new clothes for myself since I'm 20 lbs heavier than I was would be wonderful. But we will see. Oh, I recently (Tuesday I think it was) chopped all my hair off.
Justin should be getting his return as well. He's going to get me a ring.  :) But idk. I love him to death and I'm so extremely happy with him but it scares me. I want to be with him but I don't want the next steps to change our relationship and certainly don't want it effecting our happiness. I don't want it to feel like we HAVE to be together instead of wanting to be together. Recently he's been staying up late before falling asleep and then getting up early for work. I fall asleep early and then when he gets home he stays up but around the time he's going to sleep- I'm waking up. And it make me feel really sad. The past couple days I've started to feel pretty lonely. I miss him and I feel like him and the kids are all I really have. I know he works all day and he needs sleep but at the same time, I don't want him to get sleep. I want him to spend time with me. I NEED him to spend time with me. And I shouldn't need anything from him. But I do because I feel like I have nothing else. I feel alone and it ultimately makes me sink farther into this depression that I feel is fogged around me daily.  I don't really have friends and my family isn't too much of a family at all.
I should clean the room tomorrow. Wrap Noel to me, clean this room up, and do some laundry. I just haven't really been up to it lately - it feels overwhelming. But if I don't do it, who will? -.-