My future is in hell.

I'm feeling sad today. Justin still hasn't received a call about that job. I'm going to have him call to check in on the status of his application tomorrow but I've pretty much completely lost hope in it. Since he won't be getting this job I feel sad. Now what? I don't even know anymore. Now he's going to have to apply and call to other jobs and hope to make at least $10 an hour. But even that sounds doubtful. Anything under that amount it not livable though for our 4 person family. Even that amount will barely be scraping by. I don't even know if we could afford our own place on that amount.
I'm starting school in 2 weeks from today. I don't even know if I should feel excited anymore. I'm starting to think I should drop out and get a full time job instead. But then where does that leave us? Sure, we may be able to afford an apartment but we will be trapped there like that for the rest of our lives. Be poor our whole lives. What a great future I have to look forward too.
My life fucking sucks.
When I start feeling how I do right now I feel my kids deserve more and better than me and what I can't provide for them. I feel Lailah would be better off with her dad or his family and Noel is better off with another family or his dad, I don't know. But they're definitely more better off than staying with me. I'm fucking pathetic. I can't even provide a roof over their heads. We've been on food stamps the past couple months because I can't even afford to put food in their bellies. What kind of pathetic mom am I?
I feel like one day all of this will be too much weight for me to bear on my own and I'll kill myself. I'm trying so hard to find some way to make it, some way to make life better for us, some way to become more for them. But I feel it will never happen. One day, I won't be here anymore and finally my children will be free and they'll have access to much more than I could ever give them access to. The weight is getting heavier but I'm still pushing forward. But I know there's a probability that my future consists of "Hell".