I placed my son 2 years ago and I would never ever place again. From personal experience I would suggest against it because I do not feel it is what is best for the child or the mother mentally and emotionally. Financially - sure ! Adoption is wonderful. But that is not what a child needs.
Adoption CAN be a good thing - There ARE good adoption stories and there are some natural mothers who are okay with their decisions and adoptees who are okay with being adopted. With that being said.... keep in mind that the pain after placement isn't something I would wish even on my worst enemy.
In most states Open adoption is legally enforceable BUT you will need enough money to afford a lawyer and court costs if the aparents ever decide to cut contact. They could also limit contact - to once or twice a year or once every few years or whatever they want really and courts usually don't have a problem with that as long as they're keep minimal contact. I have been in the online adoption community for 2 years now and I have heard MANY more stories about adoptions getting closed rather than staying open and most moms can not afford bringing the rich adoptive couple to court.
Adoption won't only affect you though. Adoption does affect the newborn baby. Think about it like this: You have favorite things - maybe the scent of your husband, the sound of the ocean, the feel of a nice warm bath, etc. Well, baby's favorites are simple - the scent of his or her mother, the sound of his or her mothers voice, the sway of the way his or her mother walks, the sound of his or hers mothers heartbeat - everything that your baby knows and comes to love over 9 months - is you. A baby doesn't understand adoption but they do know they are taken from everything they know and they do suffer long term trauma for it.
Nightly I attend a chat group full of adoptees who have lost their mother and I listen to the traumas and grief that they are still dealing with due to losing their mothers at birth. They feel like they are missing a part of themselves. One adoptee explained it to me like she had a phantom arm - and that it was in pain and she couldn't do anything to handle it or to help it. Many of them also feel abandoned and as if they were unwanted and it is something that has constantly played over in their heads their entire lives, making it difficult for many of them to form natural relationships with people. Many would have rather grown up poor and with their mother than in the family they were raised in or are being raised by.
Many adoptees grow up and become diagnosed with Reactive Attachment disorder and other mental health disorders.
http://tfj.sagepub.com/content/20/4/355.abstract
"A disruption in the initial attachment formed between an infant and a primary caregiver often leads to some type of disordered or disorganized attachment. While research has been conducted on the etiology, symptoms, and effective forms of therapy regarding this disorder, much definitive information remains unknown or unclear. With the increasing use of foster care in America and the frequency of adoption, it is becoming obvious that more attention is needed in the area of how to best appropriately approach a diagnosis of reactive attachment disorder. "
http://adoptionvoicesmagazine.com/adoptee-view/adoptee-view-what-can-a-tiny-baby-know/#.UikTWcY3uCc
An adoptee who did a lot of research over the years writes in his blog: "A 2001 study shows that of teens in grades 7 through 12, 7.6% of adopted teens had attempted suicide compared with 3% among their non-adopted peers."
http://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/adoptee-suicide-risk-4-time-higher-research/
Another study shows that adoptees have a 4x higher risk of attempting suicide compared to non adoptees:
Don't forget that their identity becomes sealed. Their birth certificates can not be accessed in 41 states. They can never see that you are on their birth certificates, never learn who their father is, never know the name you gave to them at birth before being renamed by their adoptive families and it in my personal opinion lowers them to second class citizens because our birth certificates should be our legal right. We should know who our true parent are and where we were born - as people.
http://
You can also add Rhode Island now - which adoptees can access their OBC's at age 25.
For you - what could follow is severe suicidal postpartum depression, engorgement for weeks/months, PTSD, severe nightmares, trauma, definitely grief, anxiety disorders and even a high chance of secondary infertility - meaning that you can't conceive again post placement.
http://www.tandfonline.com/
"I discovered that between 13–20% of birth mothers do not go on to have other children. For a few, this is a conscious decision; however, for the majority there was either no known reason for infertility or their life circumstances foisted it on them, i.e., lack of suitable partner. Relinquishing their child has meant losing their only opportunity to parent a birth child, and that has bought tremendous anguish. Women considering relinquishing a child need to be made aware that secondary infertility is a real and present possibility."
http://www.originscanada.org/adoption-trauma-2/trauma_to_surrendering_mothers/adoption-trauma-the-damage-to-relinquishing-mothers/
Adoption isn't a walk in the park. You LOSE your baby.
A quote from an adoptee who is also a psychotherapist and has worked with mothers who have lost to adoption and fellow adoptees writes in his book - written with a "birth mom" that -
"In her heart and mind her baby had died. But she could find no resolution or closure, because her baby was still out there - somewhere. There was no consolation as there would have been for a legitimate, "deserving" mother who lost a baby to death..... Her loss, her great sadness and pain, was invalid to everyone else. Essentially her baby was dead by adoption."
Joe Sall, Adoption Healing ... A path to recovery for mothers who have lost children to adoption.
And that 100% is how it feels. It's not like you just hand your baby over and everything is peaches and cream.
Also I'd like to add that babies are not "gifts" to be giving away. They are human beings. Babies are not commodities that should be bought or sold. And unfortunately, that's what is happening. It costs different prices for different colored or gendered children.
Even non-profit agencies DO profit - the head of the agency making over a million dollars annually. The adoptive parents pay the agency and you hand over your baby, for them to profit. The agencies profits in monetary gain and the adoptive parents in receiving your baby.
Babies are not possessions, they are not created to be given to strangers who hardly know you and definitely don't know them. They are created to be with their mothers.
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