Good things.

Hm... haven't posted in a few days. Let's go over what's been missed.

Tom came back to me. :) So far things have sort of taken back up exactly where they left off and that makes me very happy. I like having him back in my life. I don't know really what to expect with that but hey, at least he's here, back in my life. He's still my best friend and I hope that I never ever truly lose that from him.

A few days ago I didn't get much sleep. I woke up at 7am brought Lai to school then went to my moms house to help her w daycare. Then I got Lai from school and I was busy all day - then at night I couldn't sleep and didn't fall asleep til about 4am..... Around midnight I started getting really cranky - like a child who seriously needed a nap. My "inner child" seemed to be out. I was trying to crochet but my yarn got knotted and then I was getting frustrated that I couldn't get the knot out. It was awful because I couldn't and it just really hurt my feelings. LOL ! Yeah, the yarn hurt my feelings. So I ended up slamming doors and going in the shower and stubbornly ignoring Justin while he tried to figure out what was wrong and sooth me. I kept whining and pulling away from him. In my head I wanted to talk to him, I wanted to tell him how I felt. But my inner child had different plans evidently and she wouldn't let me open my mouth. Eventually, I broke down and I cried. I kept saying, "I'm mad." And, "It's not fair". Yeah, over yarn. -.-

I went to a rich person's house the other day - my mom is friends w her and my mom bought some baby stuff off her for cheap to help me out with this pregnancy. We got a bassinet from her, that is super super cute ! Also got 3 huge bags of baby clothing - some gender neutral - most boy. But if I have a girl I'll just get rid of the boy clothes, no big deal. My moms friend has two sons of her own. Her house is gigantic, the tv is gigantic, they have huge amounts of toys and a train track that takes up a large portion of their gigantic living room and I was thinking - if she were infertile she'd have adopted. I watched how she was with her own children and she was no better than I am with my daughter. Yes, they had a shitton of things, but her children were no more advanced than mine at her children's ages, they were not treated any better, the only thing she provided more of was possessions that cost a lot of money to keep them entertained. Then I thought about it and I felt sort of happy I wasn't rich because instead of sticking my daughter in front of a huge tv or a gigantic play set or thousands of toys - I brought her to the park and taught her how to use her body strength, I spent time with her - got to know all her likes and dislikes, I bring her to the zoo all the time and teach her about animals, we do activities together, she knows most of her letters and numbers and she can do simple math already, she's understanding and compassionate - but that's because I spent time with her teaching her about others and the world and the fact that we don't have much but we have more than what others have. Then I felt sad because I know in my heart that there is NOTHING that Liz and Nate provide Bennett that I couldn't have.

In lighter news lol, my mom invited me to go to Foxwoods Casino with her last Saturday. We went to play bingo ! She got me Panera bread, we chatted, played bingo, she got the baby some little moccasins and she also got me a really nice indian style beaded bracelet. I really enjoyed spending time with her because even though I hate her sometime she's my mom and I love her. My grandmother also came who I also enjoyed being around and spending time with - I really miss my grandma... she was around a LOT when I was a baby and when I was little but slowly over time she exited my life which really hurt inside of my heart quite a bit. My grandma practically raised me when my mom couldn't and didn't know how. But idk, she didn't seem as interested - she sort of just seemed like she wanted me to leave her alone. Even though I really wanted to talk to her and catch up. The only time she showed interest in talking to me was when she was asking if I got new pictures of Bennett - which really breaks my heart and I feel like she feels that's the only "accomplishment" I've ever made. And it isn't even an accomplishment at all, more like a complete failure on my part actually. Oh and my aunt Bev came.... I really don't like her. At one point I did but over the past few years I've really come to dislike her. She's full of petty drama and she stole from me. She also talks about me behind my back and spreads rumors about me. It's quite immature and pathetic in my opinion.
Anyways... a pretty nice night all around. I did enjoy it and I would love to be able to do it again.
For once my mom treated me like an adult and not a child, she spoke to me as an equal, she cared about me. And my whole life that's what I've fought for. <3

Not much else to mention at the moment I guess. Until next time...