Hormonal

Blah. So. Hor.Mo.Nal.
Since yesterday. I think it was a mixture of having my membranes swept and disappointment that my baby didn't make his or her arrival yet. But yesterday omg. Last night I got hit like a ton of bricks. I was so grumpy. Justin hadn't been nothing but sweet to me and I was just - well, frankly - I was quite a bitch. I would shout, "Leave me alone! Don't touch me!" And I wouldn't talk to him or tell him what I was feeling. I had the other "me's" in my head and one was trying to help while the other was super depressed. Although I had wanted to listen to the helpful voice my emotions were so pressing for me to listen to the depressive one. I had such bad thoughts. :(
Today I also was grumpy and bitchy but not quite as bad as yesterday - although, whenever I opened my mouth bitch seemed to have come out. :/
I went to get the money a friend sent me through Western Union - but the Western Union near me was down due to the snow and cold weather. So then I went to another one near me - but it's in MA so they wouldn't put my transfer through since I'm in RI. Ugh! So then I went to the post office to send out my friends batman things I knitted and Bennett and his parents gifts for Christmas but realized I didn't have the money and I couldn't afford to send anything. I got so sad. I wanted to have a Facetime visit with them before Christmas and now I feel that I won't be able to because they'll claim to be "too busy" with Christmas so near. :( I just really wanted to see their faces as they opened their presents that I crocheted !!
I also dread having baby on the 15th - that's the date Bennett was born on in April. I don't like the 15th. While other nmoms hate Holidays and Mothers day - etc, I hate the 15th of every month and his birthdays. Maybe because I have Lailah Holidays and Mothers day still hold a sort of joy for me. But nothing keeps me wanting to like the stupid 15th or his birthday. No joys for me there.