Liz texted me tonight asking which address is best to send our Christmas gifts to. So I gave her the address to my moms. I also told her that we're still expecting this lo and that Im due Weds. She congratulated me and told me she was happy for us again. I thanked her and told her I can't wait to Facetime and that I'd text her when I got the package.
I really wish I could tell her that I hope Bennett understands one day or that he will still accept me. I wish I could tell her my fears about 'our' son. I wish I could explain that I just wanted what was best for him and that I hope he doesn't hate me for it. But I know that I can't exactly tell an Aparent that. They would question why I would even question those things. Most aparents assume that their adopted child will be happy with them and happy with the fact they were adopted into their family away from their natural family. I'm sure she wouldn't understand and that she'd ask back, "What makes you think he'd have wanted to be raised by you?" Although, I do doubt she'd say that to me - but she'd probably think it. She'd probably take offense to my questioning of if Bennett will be happy he was adopted or not. Of course he won't be ! That's what she probably thinks. How could he ever feel unhappy with being adopted when he was adopted by them.
I don't actually know how accurate any of these words are - I'm just ranting. But this is my own assumptions based upon the past 2 years of knowledge that I've gathered by living immersed in the online adoption community.
I feel like the only person that loves Bennett as I do is her. And I wish that could create a stronger bond between us and feel less like a wall dividing us. But unfortunately, I don't feel like that will happen.
Adoption is the only place that love keeps people divided.
No comments:
Post a Comment