Justin just left for work and I'm home alone with Noel. I'm feeling sort of down.. sad. I miss spending time with my husband. I miss cuddling with him and watching shows. I hate feeling so alone. I wish I had someone to talk to but I don't even have that. I should probably just head to sleep... Justin will be here in the morning... although, he will be heading to sleep. I wish I had something, anything - to help me feel happier or more positive... I have Noel, but he is also sleeping - nursing in my lap, but sleeping..
Idk why I feel so sad... lately my depression has been a lot better, my suicidal thoughts have gone away... but I often feel so sensitive, I feel like crying so much.. I know recently I've been doing a lot of inner work.. therapy, reading, etc. But still.. I hate feeling so sad like this.
I was reading old journal posts that I had written back before I had even started seeing Mark.. back 5 years ago or so now... and everything I wanted, I finally got - yet I am still not happy it seems. I begged for someone to love me and a friend.. and I got both. I have my best friend Tom and my amazing husband Justin... I have two incredible children. I now own my own apartment, I have a car, and we are warm, fed, and clothed. We own two dogs... My husband and I both have full time jobs.. what more could I ask for? I have everything I could have ever ever ever gotten in life. I am so much more lucky than most of the population who will never meet one incredible person in their life - nevermind two.. and have amazing children.
It's always "I just... I just..." with me.. but when I get what I "just" want, it doesn't seem like enough. Idk what will help me anymore.. I just don't know.
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