I'm not a perfect parent but I am proud of the parent I am.

For the first time ever in my 8 years of parenting I felt like I wanted to hit my 2.5 year old.

 BARE WITH ME HERE.

He woke up and asked for water. I got him water. He wanted me to pour it in the cap - I explained we couldn't do that because it was too small. He got angry and threw the cap on the floor. I tried to offer the water and he screamed and pushed it away so I put it down, before I could say anything he got up and kicked the water bottle over (there wasn't enough in it to spill thankfully). I gently asked for him to pick the water bottle up and hand it back to me.

He grabbed his toy hammer - made a super angry face and then chucked the hammer at me, hitting me. It REALLY hurt! (I was already previously angry due to a struggling relationship with my best friend, we were having a heated type discussion online right before so I know that's what triggered me to get even more upset) I saw red. I took in a deep breath as I felt every fiber of my being to just want to hit him back (which I would NEVER ever do.)
I shouted at him, "OW!!! That really hurt! You threw that at me and it hit me! That REALLY hurt!!". He stood there and started crying. Directly after that I reached out to a gf of mine online quickly and explained the situation to her to gain some control over myself and insight. (it only took a minute or two).

He then came up and sat in my lap and wanted to breastfeed. I told him "No, this is my body and I don't want to nurse right now. I feel hurt." He continued crying. I told him, "My arm hurts. You threw that at me and it hurt me." He cried more.

I then remembered this meme,

Once that thought was triggered I felt bad and I asked for a hug. Noel laid into my chest and hugged me and I held him back.
I then said, "I think we both should do some breathing together." (I taught him deep breathing a few months ago) So we did breathing together. He doesn't know how to breathe in too well yet but he makes the whoosh sound as he breathes out which does help him slow his breathing. Once we both calmed down, I said,
"I'm really sorry I yelled at you. I shouldn't have yelled. I was hurt and I'm sorry."
he then replied, "I'm sorry".
 I said, "thank you for apologizing too. I love you."
He then nursed and laid down next to and went back to sleep.



 I didn't handle it perfectly, I am not a perfect parent or a perfect person, but I am proud of our result that we made together.