I'll figure it out.

I am feeling emotional today.
I've been putting my journal entries onto here from my journal.
And most of them have been related to my relationship with Mark and very small amounts about the adoption. Most of it is me being super super depressed :( it makes me sad that I've been depressed this long, battling this difficulty so long.
But I'm happy that I've received most of what I've been begging the universe for.
I have an incredible husband. I had another baby who is just amazing and I love him so much.
I have a best friend who cares so much about me, I can feel his love and care radiating from him, even though he lives in another state.
And I now have friends... they all live in other states but I've formed a community of people who I can reach out to and talk to if I need to. People that actually care about me and I mean something to them.

I also realize that I've come extremely far in life on bettering myself and becoming who I want to be rather than be who my family programmed me to be.
I have an apartment, my family, friends, and I'm on a good medication for my depression.
I'm a better mom - although, I still wish to be better.
I've grown a lot as a person. I'm healthier for myself and others (like emotionally and psychologically).
I obviously want to keep growing and learning and becoming a better version of myself each day.
I'm just glad that I am actually moving forward even though I've felt like I've been doing nothing but running in place.

I'm proud of me. Even though I still struggle a lot with a lot... I will figure it out.