Stupid mind - what ifs?

Today I went to breakfast at my favorite restaurant with my dad and Lai, yumyumyum.

We then went to my moms before meeting just about my whole immediate family and add ons (steps and what nots) at the beach. I love the beach but I had to leave because I have very very sensitive ears which truly hurt from the wind. But it was alright being there.

We then came home and I filled out the parental visitation agreement - since Scott "doesn't have the time" to. Basically he will get her every other weekend and every Weds from 4-7. Then I also worked out holidays and such. My mom made dinner for us all - ham, potatoes, and green beans. It was yumyumyum too.

Later on in the night I started getting mentally/emotionally worked up and just plain agitated. This baby is coming fast and I am worried out of my mind. I feel like I NEED this job - but what if I don't get it? What if I don't get a job at all? My dad wants me out of this house and I want out of this house. I need out of this house. Especially with the baby going to be here soon. But we just can't afford it right now. So then I start panicking - I CAN NOT and WILL NOT do adoption, EVER again. I emotionally and mentally would break down and I can't see myself coming back from it. I don't care if it's selfish of me to keep MY OWN CHILD. I don't care what anyone else thinks! But then what? The only other thing I can think of is some type of temporary custody but I am not close enough to anyone to do that. So then that means DCYF placing my child temporarily but what if then they take Lailah too? What if I have to deal with that the rest of my life? I feel like it's my adoption all over again.
Then on the other end of the spectrum there is - what if I DO get that job? What if I get that job and I start working full time and it proves to be too much to my already contracting body? What if I go into preterm labor and LOSE my baby or something happens to him/her for being born far too early? Would I be able to come out of that? I have no idea.

The best case scenario is I get this job and everything goes well with it and the pregnancy. We get an apartment and everything in order and it all works out well.

I'm stressed out, I'm scared, and I just want to be with my babies.