The one thing my body can't do.

Today I am feeling emotional and I miss my best friend because I've normally turned to him. Or I want my Justin but he's working until 7:30.
All the same stuff - sinking deeper into depression though. I don't even know what to do anymore. I just know that I can't give up. I have to keep trying or else I will never get anywhere.
Adoption has been making me sad and I want to just close off from it all sometimes, but then I would feel as if I'm giving up on Bennett and I can't even imagine letting myself do that.
I want to cry, I want to let it all pour out. But I can't. I don't cry and even if I did it would appear that I am crying for no reason.  What does crying solve anyways? Nothing. It won't change my position, it won't change anything around me at all.
Times like there I wonder why I'm even human at all. I wonder why I was brought here and why I remain here. I wonder what it would be like to leave here and if there is anything else outside of here, outside of this body we call a human.
Depressed? A little bit. But then again, I am trapped within this weak human body. I mean - I love it and all, it does it's job to keep me alive here on Earth. It has worked well, nothing seriously wrong with me and threatening my well being. Others would tell me that it's silly for me to feel this way and that at least I am alive, healthy, well - etc. But truth is - inside I feel like I am dying a little more everyday. My soul, my spirit - it's being tortured and beat from all the surrounding elements of life.
The one thing my body can't seem to do -  protect it.